I TOLD you I’d have episode five up before the end of the day!
PREVIOUSLY, ON MVP: Molly hit on Trevor, without knowing that his girlfriend Tabbi was on her way to Mustang-land! Coach McCall is fucked! Evelyn got a C&D! Gabe slept with a reporter! Connie got drunk and loves Gabe, omg!
I still love the theme song, and find myself humming it all the time. I actually met someone the other day who knew the song because she totally watched MVP and loved it, but not for the snarky reasons I do. That part sucked.
Tabbi gets Trevor’s fan mail, and thinks the drawings the little kids send are cute. Trevor does too, judging by the way he’s looking at the pictures and smiling. Tabbi opens another piece of mail, only to have a photo of a young girl looking sultry fall out. She opens another letter, and a Polaroid of two scantily-clad women is inside.
Trevor: Those are just fans, whatever!
Tabbi: (takes picture of kids) No, these are fans. (holds up picture of girls) THESE are sluts.
I laughed. Tabbi doesn’t find it so funny. Deal with it. Your boyfriend is a hot rookie.
Megan is having a meal with who I’m assuming is her husband Owen (Tracy, you’re right, he certainly doesn’t look straight), reading a trashy magazine out loud. She then asks, “Who reads this trash?” I think she was kidding. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt cause I kinda like her. She hears a woman giggling, and sees Reporter Lady with Gabe. Also, we TOTALLY GET A NAME for Reporter Lady. Wanda Gilford. That is a really unfortunate name. Owen says that he thinks they’re “on the go”, which Megan vehemently denies, because she had plans. She pulls up a chair next to Gabe. She very obviously talks up Connie, and it’s awesome. She returns to her husband, and asks if Gabe always goes to the Blue Line after the game. Wanda’s jealous of “this Connie”.
Then Megan is talking to Connie at the daycare, and convinces her to call Gabe. She does, only to apologize to the person on the other line for having the wrong number. Megan is APPALLED that Wanda is answering his phone. Connie is upset that Megan knew that he was seeing someone else, but had her call him anyway. Dude, Connie, your date scene with Gabe was the cutest thing I’d ever seen on television! You HAVE to go out with him! Megan says she’ll never bring it up again, as long as Connie doesn’t come crying to her when he’s married with babies and she’s still stuck making ladybugs for other peoples’ kids. Hee. Come on, show, give me something funny, like when the letters changed on the newspaper or when there were a stream of Z’s on the grocery list! Sadly, this doesn’t happen, and Megan just walks away.
Evelyn is pouring Adam McBride Power Drink down the drain. There’s a knock on the door, and two people from Lotus Life Insurance are on the other side. I wonder what this could mean.
In Trevor’s apartment, Tabbi is giving Nan her meds. Trevor insists on her actually seeing the ticket that he got her for that night’s game (seriously, this team has to play more than 82 games a season at this rate), and Leggy Blonde (Carla) enters. She greets her “sexy superstar” (not a great way to greet a man when his girlfriend is there, lady), and then coldly greets Tabbi and Nan. Trevor has to go to some meeting or practice or whatever it is that he does, and Tabbi is all “Hey! Dishes!” Um, hey! Superstar! Carla says that Trevor has to change. As he does so, she compliments Nan’s robe, and Tabbi and Nan exchange this hilarious “WTF” look. It’s funnier coming from Nan. She’s like, my favorite character.
The circumstances around Adam McBride’s death are being investigated (I think it’s obvious, but whatever), and he left Evelyn and Molly nothing, but there was some corporate blah blah blah snooooooooore. Basically, the insurance lady is pushy and kind of rude, considering she’s talking to a WIDOW, and then Evelyn is awesome and kicks them out, although silently. It would have been more awesome if she had yelled.
Carla is upset that Trevor doesn’t LOOK like a winner. Whatever. Carla says they’re going to give him a Mustang in team colors. How wonderful. Trevor wanted an SUV. Hee. Tabbi is confused.
Aww, a Cottonelle commercial! Puppies! Cute!
Megan and Connie are at the daycare, sitting at one of the kiddie tables having an intense discussion. Megan says that Owen is cheating on her, and I bet she’s lying judging by her insanity. Megan talks her into following Owen to catch him red-handed.
Evelyn is talking to Mustang Royalty Lady, who is happy because it’s about time Malcolm Leblanc got what’s coming to him. Ooh, I like this. Evelyn’s not sure what to do. This is about the “Apple Boost”, by the way. Turns out Evelyn was a saucy trampy thing, as if that surprised anyone. Royalty Lady says “Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you don’t need balls,” which I like. I might make that my new headline on MySpace. Royalty Lady’s Dad apparently said that Evelyn’s got balls. Awesome. Evelyn calls her “Taff”, which, um, what? Okay.
Evelyn tells Molly, who is pouting at the kitchen table, that she’s working on a way for them to be okay. Molly asks how she and Adam started dating, to which Evelyn responds that it took a lot of work on her part. Molly asks why she went for him, and Evelyn starts talking all that crap that women say about how he’s handsome, had a beautiful smile, made her feel like she was the only woman in the room, blah blah blah. I’m clearly not a romantic. Evelyn gives some mom-ly advice about how the good things don’t come easy. I get the feeling that this is going to lead to Molly trying to take Trevor away from Tabbi.
Carla is listing off all the things that Trevor needs – lawyer, stylist, blah blah blah. He does need a media coach. Dude, 95% of the Stars could use a media coach. Carla then introduces him to “Team Trevor”. Then we’re treated to a montage which includes Trevor being spun on a…Spinny thingie, where he magically changes outfits. This is the most awesome show. He also gets his hair done, which includes some FUGLY blonde highlights.
Coach McCall greets Gabe as they walk down the street. Coach says he’s done with the drinking, that he’s going to meetings and everything. I think he’s lying, mostly because this is a soap opera.
Trebuchet is tied to the bed as a woman with a blue wig drips hot wax on him. Oh, it’s Psycho Bitch Mandy. She won’t untie him. Come on, Trebuchet, use your hockey player super strength! She can’t have tied those THAT tight.
Locker room! The team whistles at Trevor when he enters with his suit and his ugly highlights. No, seriously, it’s ugly. Some men shouldn’t have highlights. Some men, like Mike Modano, pull it off. That’s because he’s a man’s man. Mostly.
Molly is at Trevor’s apartment, leaving a note for him at the front desk. Tabbi comes out of the elevator. She’s kind of a bitch to Molly, which is understandable. Molly then tells her about how Trevor’s been a good friend, and then starts fake-crying about how she’s in a horrible apartment and her daddy is dead and cry cry cry. Tabbi is friendly to her then. I want them to actually be friends. I wish Molly wasn’t a manipulative cunt.
The guys are still making fun of Trevor. I love it. See, that’s the kind of rookie teasing I can handle. I’m sure Matt Niskanen gets made fun of for that college boy rhino horn hair thing he’s got going on. Steve Ott might not be a rookie anymore, but I’m sure he got made fun of for that troll beard he had last season (no, seriously, Otter, don’t do it anymore, please, it terrified me). Anyway, Gabe walks up and guesses correctly when he says “Carla”. He tells Trevor that they wouldn’t give two monkey shits about him if he couldn’t put the puck in the net. I see why he’s captain.
Trebuchet is still handcuffed to the bed. I was wrong, they’re handcuffs, not ties. I love it. He hilariously struggles against them. Mandy might be crazy, but she’s also kind of awesome.
Trebuchet does eventually make it to the locker room. The guys tease him.
Molly and Tabbi are shopping at the perfume counter. Tabbi spritzes one on Molly’s wrist that apparently smells like “spring time back home”. Molly says she should buy it, that she’s Trevor Lemonde’s girlfriend and can therefore totally afford it. Tabbi is worried that they’ll miss the game, but Molly wants to have a drink first and insists that they have plenty of time. Then they get in a perfume fight. I bet they’ll stink later.
Locker room! Midget Equipment Guy (seriously, he’s TINY) is given the lineup by Coach, and then looks devious as he shuffles the papers or something. Trebuchet is in a bathroom stall, taping the handcuffs down or something.
Leblanc is talking to a Suit about the coach being fired as the game is going on. I’m mostly amazed that these games are all home games. Don’t they ever go on the road? Leblanc sees Evelyn in the hall and excuses himself as a Mustang goal is under review.
The locker room is solemn. Coach is arguing with some official about how Lemonde was left off the roster, which is obviously ridiculous, says Coach. Gabe is upset that they’re just bringing this up NOW. Coach wants to put Lemonde in, but the rulebook says it’s not possible. The Raven’s coach (THE RAVENS? REALLY? NOT HARDCORE) is the one who caught it, and is insisting they enforce the rule. Ooh, Midget Equipment Guy is in on it! I suspect Gabe thinks his dad’s been drinking, and I’m right, because Gabe does in fact suspect that. Somehow Coach doesn’t seem to put the link of Midget Equipment Guy and roster mishap together.
Trebuchet is in the doctor’s office after getting his handcuffs removed. Doctor says she won’t tell the coach and won’t give him any painkillers since he obviously enjoys suffering. Trebuchet definitely wants doctor/patient confidentiality. Duh.
Nan is watching the game at home as Tabbi and Molly enter the apartment lugging several shopping bags. Tabbi introduces them, then freaks about the game. She tells Molly that she HAS to tell him that they tried to go, because Tabbi promised. Molly just wants a beer. I hear that!
Leblanc totally lied to Evelyn! At least, that’s what Evelyn says. She says that Leblanc told her there was no policy, which is a total lie because there WAS, just paid through the franchise. Evelyn is pissed. She is one stone cold bitch when she wants to be. You tell him, girl! She wants a deal – she signs off on the policy, he signs off on the Apple Boost. After that, she doesn’t want to see his bottom-feeder face ever again. I love it!! She leaves when Malcolm returns to the Suit, who wants to know if he’s still up for their little business venture. Apparently, more than ever.
Connie’s about to leave the daycare, when Megan appears, in her like, sly costume, which is a wig and sunglasses (at night). Megan’s also brought a disguise for Connie. I love it! I now want to walk around in disguise so no one will recognize me. Ooh, maybe I’ll wear a different wig at every Stars practice I go to. That would be pretty awesome. I already have a couple of wigs, and I’ve had my eye on this black and blonde one that I think would be pretty cool.
Reporters are plaguing Lemonde with questions as he leaves with Carla. She says no comment, and when pressed further, Lemonde puts his hand over Wanda’s microphone (that sounds dirty) and says “She SAID no comment”. Carla covers for him and says “he’s just very frustrated”, which, duh. Trevor and Carla get in an argument – Trevor came to play hockey, not sell cereal or give interviews or get “fruited up”. HAHA! He wants to know where Tabbi is. Angry!Lemonde would be kind of sexy if it weren’t for that hair. Please dye it back.
Tabbi’s pouring a beer at Trevor’s apartment. Dude, he has a draft IN HIS APARTMENT. That’s so awesome, and I want one. Tabbi pours hers correctly, having grown up in small town Canada and probably working as a bartender at some point. Molly tries to pour hers, but it has too much head, which Tabbi does tell her. Molly says “That’s just the kind of girl I am”, which makes Tabbi (and me) spit out her beer.
Insert pointless scene where Trevor is leaving after asking an usher if he’s seen Tabbi.
Leblanc and Gabe are having a ~*serious conversation*~. Leblanc can’t tell Gabe how sorry he is (then don’t try). Turns out Leblanc is totally firing Coach McCall. Gabe’s not happy about it, but he’ll be the one to tell him, not Bottom-Feeder Leblanc. Gabe leaves as Midget Equipment Guy enters and hands the proper roster to Leblanc, who dramatically burns it. Dude, and then he HOLDS ON TO IT. At least drop it in an empty trash can first.
Trebuchet leaves in his fancy sports car as dramatic rock music plays. Trebuchet makes tires squeal as he drives off.
Someone is humming “Rock-a-bye Baby” while smoking a cigarette and playing with a dollhouse. It appears to be Psycho Bitch Mandy, wearing a blonde wig and skimpy lingerie. Now that is TOO DISTURBING FOR WORDS.
The Blue Line continues to have go-go dancers. Also, hockey players don’t dance. At least I hope they don’t. Megan and Connie are sitting at the bar in their disguises – Megan has a long blonde-ish wig on, while Connie’s wearing a short black bob. It’s pretty hysterical. Megan asks Connie to look around. Some girl is dancing with Owen, and Megan is appalled, saying “My Owen can’t be cheating!” Connie is confused. They both walk away after seeing their respective men with other women. I still love their disguises.
Wanda tells Gabe that she’s sorry about his dad. Gabe tells her that he doesn’t know yet, and asks for a favor – leave the booze out of it. Wanda says that it’s part of the story, and that she’ll report it because she has to. Slutty Girl with Owen walks up to him, saying that if he wasn’t into it, then how come he let her follow him? Pushy! Owen says that he’s married. Girl replies, “So?” Megan then walks up and says “So hit the road, bitch.” I LOVE her. She’s just keeping it real. Megan then literally pushes the girl away. It’s awesome.
Gabe gets in an argument with Wanda and walks away. Megan says that’s Connie’s cue. She walks up and greets him. He apologizes to her after she tells him that she is, indeed, Connie, despite the wig. He seems genuinely sad to walk away from her. It’s kind of sweet, and Connie looks even prettier with her hair down and some makeup on.
Molly and Tabbi are dancing to chick rock in the apartment. Tabbi’s in her underwear, and they’re probably drunk. Molly says that they should go get pizza. They’re ready to leave, when Tabbi realizes that she’s forgotten her pants and falls to the floor laughing. Trevor enters, and is not only surprised to see Molly, but pissed that Tabbi wasn’t at the game. Ooh.
Evelyn approaches her boss and says that Leblanc the scumbag signed off on it. Her boss congratulates her, saying that she’s a strong woman. He is sad to see her go, though.
Gabe enters the coach’s office to tell him about the whole firing thing. Coach McCall is gazing at a picture of Gabe playing hockey outside as a kid. Cute! Gabe and McCall share a sensitive moment where they hug. Aww! That’s sad. Coach McCall comforts Gabe, saying “you’re okay”. That kind of reminds me of that one video where Brett Hull has to comfort Mike Modano after they win the Stanley Cup, and that makes me want to cry because GOD I WANT A STANLEY CUP. PLEASE, BABY HOCKEY JESUS, I’VE BEEN SO GOOD.
Evelyn leaves the convenience store, and a truck passes with an advertisement for “Adam Blast Energy Juice”. Evelyn is understandably pissed as she yells “MALCOLM!”
Trebuchet is locked out of his apartment as Mandy is inside wearing a red wig. He breaks into the apartment (like, runs into the door kind of breaks into, which doesn’t REALLY work, you know) and holds up his arm, which still has a handcuff on it. Mandy says “You know, you could have just called a locksmith.” Well, no, he couldn’t – HIS HANDS WERE CUFFED TO THE BED. Trebuchet tackles her and then they have sex. Probably rough sex.
Gabe pulls up to…Somewhere…In his fancy car. Maybe it’s his apartment, I don’t know. Connie is waiting for him. She was told about his dad, and she just wanted to know if he was okay. I love that Connie’s kind of growing a pair. Gabe invites her inside, and she laughs nervously. Gabe then invites her on a walk instead, and she accepts. He says “I should warn you, I walk briskly,” which, in case you don’t remember, is what Connie said to him when he showed up at her house and invited her on a walk. I squealed and said “THAT IS SO CUTE”. I may have had a couple of drinks. They walk along, and Connie holds her pinky out and Gabe takes it, which is just too cute I can’t even fucking stand it.
Trevor and Tabbi are arguing about how she went shopping instead of to the game, which is not cool, because I was all happy at the cute and now I’m just pissed. Molly looks uncomfortable. Trevor leaves his room and Molly totally lies and says that she tried to get Tabbi to go to the game. I SEE WUT U DID THAR, MOLLEE. Bitch. Trevor throws her out. Not literally, though. Tabbi’s crying, but Trevor’s still mad. The phone rings and no one answers it because Trevor’s too busy cutting out the highlighted parts of his hair. Carla’s the one on the phone, telling him not to be late because they’re picking up his car tomorrow. Trevor throws the answering machine against the wall.
The next day, Trevor enters a car dealership in jeans and a leather jacket, with his hair back to normal and not looking any shorter or thinner than it was before. Maybe a little shorter. He walks up to a huge SUV and gets in. The keys are in the shade thingie. The dealership guy opens the door and says that it’s worth more than he’ll ever make in his lifetime. Dude, the kid is Trevor Lemonde, I think he can afford it.
…Or…NOT, as Trevor starts the car, slams the door, and DRIVES THROUGH THE GLASS OF THE DEALERSHIP WTF. NO SRSLY WTF. WTF. NO WORDS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I DON’T GET IT. Get over your pouty rebellion, Junior!