Posted by: Caitlin | July 2, 2008

Regarding the Avery Deal

Caitlin checking in again.

You know, when I heard about the Avery deal today, I can’t tell you how I truly felt.   I think the term “white-hot rage flowing through my veins” is probably about the understatement of the century.   Did I almost have an aneurysm?   Probably.   Did my blood pressure skyrocket to seriously unhealthy levels?   Definitely.

You know it’s bad when I swear over in the comment thread at Interchangeable Parts that I will root for Jeremy Roenick (not the Sharks, just Roenick) against Sean Avery when we play the Sharks however many times a year now.   Long has Roenick been my enemy, but I’ll cheer his ass on if he’s going to do something distinctly jerkfaced to Avery.

I went from feeling pretty positive about the Stars to really at a loss for words to describe the feelings I have for next season.   (Will I be renewing my season tickets?   Hahahahaha, no.Patty did a pretty good job over at Penalty Killing.  But I think this quote from that perennial holiday classic, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, sums up how I feel quite nicely:

I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?

And that’s just how I feel about Brett Hull right now.   Don’t get me started on Avery.

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Responses

  1. What a perfect quote.

  2. What a perfect quote.

    I thought it fit quite nicely.

  3. In times like this, I often go back to movies, too. And this is the one that popped into my head:

  4. It’s terrible, isn’t it? I’m so saddened, because I love the fact that the Stars are a civil, respectable, sportsmanlike team. You don’t see Stars players throwing dirty hits intentionally (I’m sure that there have been a couple of questionable ones that I can’t think of off the top of my head), or just generally being assholes. This whole thing reeks of publicity to me, and I’m terrified of what the locker room situation will be like. I’m a firm believer in that if the guys on the team don’t like each other and don’t have chemistry, what they put out on the ice will suck, and GOD THAT IS THE LAST THING THAT I WANT.

    I’m so glad I’m not a season ticket holder.

    Also, Sarah – that was what I thought, too!!

  5. As I wrote in my blog, “[h]ow about Sean Avery’s four-year, $15.5 million contract with the Dallas Stars? That’s $3.875 million per year for a guy who has never cracked the 40-point barrier in his career. To put this in perspective, he is now making more than Mike Modano in Dallas, and slightly less than Brendan Morrow. Sean Avery – he of 379 career NHL games, he of 167 career NHL points, he of 1067 career NHL PIMs – is making more than the franchise leader of every important statistic of the Dallas Stars, and slightly less than the heart and soul of the team. Does that seem reasonable to you?”

    Sorry, Caitlin. There is no way Avery should be making that kind of money with the Stars. No effing way whatsoever.

    I’m secretly hoping for a season-ending injury in training camp for Avery.

  6. I’m secretly hoping for a season-ending injury in training camp for Avery.

    I like the way you think!

  7. Sorry, Caitlin. There is no way Avery should be making that kind of money with the Stars. No effing way whatsoever.

    Oh, I know. I know. All I can say is, Brett Hull took a LONG drag off the crack pipe and then passed it to Les Jackson who asked Tom Hicks if he wanted a hit.

    Jesus Christ. I think Avery might be making equal to Zubov this year.

    Financially, it sucks. When it comes to the “intangibles” – the locker room, the vibe on the team – it’s going to be poisonous, methinks.

  8. The Wild just signed Owen Nolan.

    Next thing you know all your rookies will be hanging out in strip bars and showing up drunk to practice with Sean Avery’s “intangibles” around the dressing room.

  9. Don’t say such horrible things, Kirsten!! We already talked about having a carevention if it needed to happen. I’ll totally go through with it, too. I will have a carevention with any member of my team that appears to be too close to Sean Avery. I don’t like the idea of everyone on my team getting crabs from the guy.

  10. Next thing you know all your rookies will be hanging out in strip bars and showing up drunk to practice with Sean Avery’s “intangibles” around the dressing room.

    Oh no no no. I think Brenden Morrow would bitch slap Avery into the next century if this started happening.


    The Wild just signed Owen Nolan.

    Isn’t he just shy of 827 years old now?

  11. I hope Morrow would do that. Cat, you and Mr. Morrow need to put an emergency plan in place just in case Avery decides to be helpful.

    Nolan is about as old as dinosaurs, but still not as old as Chelios.


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