Posted by: Caitlin | April 10, 2008

LiveBlog: Stars at Anaheim 04/10/08; Woo! Playoff Hockey!

Just a friendly reminder from your neighborhood Russian-loving Stars fan that I’ll be liveblogging the game tonight starting at 8:30 p.m. CST here. Do me a favor and drop back by, will ya?

6:45 pm: Another quick reminder. If you have tickets to home games 3 & 4 here in Dallas for the Stars/Ducks playoff series, the Stars are aiming for a blackout in the stands. Wear your black home jersey, black shirt, black…whatever to the game. Don’t have one? Show up to the gate early – the Stars will be handing out black playoff shirts to the first 15,000 fans.

Also, I’m watching Detroit/Nashville and they just mentioned Russian on the broadcast. Somehow, that feels dirty and wrong.

If you’re interested in checking out an opposition view, I can’t direct you quickly enough to Battle of California. Earl Sleek is the Ducks blogger in residence over there who is by far the best Anaheim blogger I’ve read. Earl also writes for NHL Fanhouse and wrote a pretty fair-minded analysis of the Stars/Ducks matchup the other day. For everyone else in the Pacific Divison, BoC is a great place for a daily read.

Back soon; I’m off to eat dinner and do real-life things before the game.

Pre-Game

It strikes me upon reflection that not all of our readers know the great and wonderful tale that is Russian and Happy Meals — as pointed out by Kirsten, who came in halfway through this glorious saga. So I’ve taken the liberty of summing up the Niskanen/Zubov defensive relationship for you, right here, before the game.

Way back when, at the beginning of this season, the Stars were planning to bring up a defenseman from our AHL affiliate permanently. The stars aligned well (pardon the pun) for Niskanen, who had never really played in the AHL and was straight out of college.

Somehow, little Happy Meals landed himself a defensive partner in one Sergei Zubov, who as WE ALL KNOW, is criminally ignored by the mainstream media (until this season), deserves a Norris (and they give it Lidstrom every year), and is generally all around one of the Stars’ best players. Let’s put it this way: before even thinking about resigning Mike Modano, the Stars were determined to get Zubov’s contract nailed down. Top priority.

So, Russian and Happy Meals began to solidly play on the blueline together. You would see these funny little moments where they were joking and laughing together on the bench. Now, we all know how we view Russian. Crotchety, cranky, a solitary fellow who enjoys a quiet game of chess against his pet alligator, Iskristiy, and a nice chilled bottle of vodka. Russian has no time for things like cameras, or press, and is terrified of people. He wants to play hockey. He wants to win. He likes team. End of story.

(Seriously, the man’s quotes are all the same, “That award’s nice but I just do it because I like to win, and I like my team and I love to play hockey.” Stick the quote in a blender and you’ve got every Sergei Zubov quote almost ever.)

Happy Meals, on the other hand, we knew NOTHING about.

So we speculated. An average conversation between Russian and Happy Meals would go like this:

Russian: You need to back into the defensive zone quicker.

Happy Meals: I’m trying, man, it’s just..

Russian: You are trying my patience, that’s what you are trying! Lenin help me, I will throw you into the Volga!

Happy Meals: *pause* …What’s the Volga?

Thus led to endless jokes about Happy Meals turning Russian’s television programming from Meerkat Manor to Beavis & Butthead, stealing all of Russian’s beloved Cocoa Puffs, and generally terrorizing him by cluttering and disordering Russian’s carefully organized, neatly planned existence. Russian counterattacked by mercilessly picking apart every aspect of Happy Meals’ defensive play, including making him study Russian military history (including the unabridged history of the Red Army) and even whilst injured, coming to the rink to make sure Happy Meals kept to Russian’s exacting standards. When Russian discovered Happy Meals was picking up notoriously bad habits from an unnamed Swede, he immediately launched into a three-hour lecture on the siege of Stalingrad and promptly hit Niskanen with an imported Russian hockey stick.

Russian: I swear, if you don’t play better, I’m going to feed you to my alligator.

Happy Meals: ….

THERE, that should catch you up! So, if you didn’t know before? That’s where all those beautiful jokes come from.

ACTUAL PRE-GAME

For once, Luddy doesn’t look like he was dressed by the Thompson Twins, which is altogether promising and Rhadigan is slightly less Tyrannosaur looking. I just realized that Dave Tippett really is the “Stars Coach” edition of the Mr. Potato Head, just…life-like.

Razor wins the tie battle. Because I say so, and because I unabashedly *heart* Razor.

1st PERIOD

I think people forget about our hardcore Russian. And by that, I mean that if our defensive corps screwed up tonight, Russian would be on the first plane out to run drills and scream at them about Red Army troop movements while holding Iskristiy on a leash like some sort of Bond villain. He’d have a map with Risk figures and everything, and one of those nifty metal pointers.

Do you have that, Anaheim? Do you have a cranky, hermit-like Russian whose entire life is devoted to winning?

Zubov is the factor no one’s factored in there. Factor. Factor factor. (I had to throw it in three more times just to run it into the ground some more.)

19:30: Hit by Robi on Getzlaf. So this game’s starting on a positive note.

18:47: Someone hit Norstrom. He bobbles for a second, and then just recovers. Is this Swede made of Silly Putty, or what? Oh yeah, and Morrow Morrownated Earl Sleek’s favorite player. Ha. (Sorry, Earl.)

18:20: Sheesh, Grossman just hit…some Duck player. Well, get it out, Grossie, get it out.

17:16: Jeez, everyone is hitting everyone out there. It’s like bumper cars. Two quick pad saves by Turco.

16:40: HEY. Anaheim, I know you play a wickedly physical game, but let’s not push Stu Barnes down and then hit him again, just to be sure. The hell? Stu is old and in need of some spare parts, so let’s not screw up a hip or a shoulder or something.

15:00ish: Ha! I just saw Eriksson gnawing on something and thought, “That can’t be right”. I was right. It’s his mouthguard, not actual food — but then FSN completes my own little joke by showing me Lundy looking all intimidating and some such.

One of the things I love most about Marty Turco’s “away” mask is that it’s covered in what Marty says are “gargoyles”. I call shenanigans, Marty, because we all know those are alligators and you’re just trying to mollify Russian. It’s your own little tribute to the Stars’ favorite pet, Iskristiy, Marty — you don’t have to lie.

14:04: A Ducks player has finagled a puck into the corner and Dallas desperately scrambles like craaazy to get it back, leading Mo to go over there and give the Duck player the old Russian pokey-pokey trick; except Ducky McDuckerson over there has fallen over and Mo instead is just jabbing him in the guts. Repeatedly. Heh.

Shouldn’t have laughed, because when we come back from break, the Ducks are going on the power play. I’d also like to take a moment to point out that this game is featuring a serious lack of Mittens.

13:22: First Stars shot on goal of the game by — who else — Snake Eyes Hagman, who looks promptly pissed that Giguere tried to cover it up immediately. I think if ever we see homicide via Hagman (Hagicide?) it will be in the playoffs. Anaheim’s kinda running all over us right now, but Robi manages to clear the puck. Thanks, Robi!

11:12: After messing around a bit, Hagman looks like he’s about to roundhouse kick someone in the face for the puck. Take it easy, Hags.

RALPH. RAZOR. Please stop talking about Russian. WE ALL KNOW.

10:30ish: OHO, so Richards is useless, eh? He beats Niedermeyer to get to Giguere and get our SECOND shot on goal. Good job, B-Rad. Of course, once Giguere gets a glove on anything, he has to be an enormous jackass and stop play. Everytime.

10:15ish: Kunitz gets a breakaway; Marty can’t grapple with the puck; we look like the Ducks are beating us up for milk money right now.

8:35: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ATTABOY ROBI! (See what happens when Caitlin likes you? Good things!) I have never been more proud of someone in…my entire life. Oh, Robi. You get so little credit for how awesome you are and I hope everyone stands up right now and salutes you, my French-Canadien fiend.

6:48: The Stars have a little more oomph in their game now; I’m eating Cap’n Crunch out of the box. Because I can. That’s how I roll.

5:46: This is a refreshing change! The Stars have gone from defending to pushing into the offensive zone! Repeatedly! And they’re standing up to the Ducks’ pushiness quite well. WOOO! I’d also like to point out that I’m not only rocking the Zubov shirt tonight, I’m rockin’ the Zubov jersey.

Heh, I’m watching this D&M Leasing commercial with Ralph & Razor and Ralphie just called Razor a “purse-clutcher”. GENIUS. Robi’s goal is given to Otter, who deflected it in. It’s still a goal, and I know there’s another one coming for you, Robi, honey.

3:56: Penalty on Anaheim for cross-checking Daley, and here we go on the power play. Gangsta Ribbons is out on the first PP unit, meaning Anaheim better watch out. You know Ribbons grew up in those Montreal ghettos and will not hesitate to show you what up, Anaheim. Giguere gets a stop where he has to spread-eagle and scramble to make it. I must say, I’m glad we’re not facing Breezy in this.

2:54: Ribbons, what have I told you about being fancy? Ribeiro tries to fancily keep it in play over the blueline and instead causes everyone to bobble and turn it over.

2:26: We get it back and Brad Motherfreakin’ Richards sets up Swedish Fish (Mach I) for a goal! Congratulations, Eriksson! Please see Brett Hull in the pressbox for your Arby’s sandwich! (Please, eat. The Ducks are going to break your eating disordered ass, honey.)

And this Richards fan says: HOW ABOUT THAT, Richards with the assist! Loui and Richards look like they’ve totally become BFF forever. Pretty soon, they’re going to be braiding matching friendship bracelets, just like you did at church camp, you know.

2-0, DALLAS. WOO! Boucher and Selanne start to get it in (what the hell, Teemu!) and Bertuzzi just comes up and dunks Boucher into the ice. Not cool, Bertuzzi, you scum. You shouldn’t even be playing in this league anymore, and next thing I see, Chris Pronger’s got a hold of Stu Barnes and is yanking on him. It looks like Stu is saying, “Come on, bring it!” to which I say, “Stu, Pronger can break your face, please don’t do that”.

Otter’s engaged…everyone. Selanne and Bertuzzi land in the box, and man, Mr. PotatoHeadCoach is SO not happy about it. Can we tell these two teams hate each other? We seem to be having some sort of team meeting at the penalty boxes right now. Tippett just said “Fucking joke” on the bench, and the penalties aren’t really kosher, but…the officiating’s been so bad this season, whatever. We’re on the power play. Again.

:30ish: Giguere makes…a belly save. Literally, he just curls up and takes it in the stomach. Alright then, Giggy.

:00: Dallas 2, Anaheim 0. The Stars literally have to keep this pace throughout the entire series. Ig uess we’re about to find out if they can do one more period of it.

1st Intermission

We now take you to a (hypothetical) phone call between Happy Meals and Russian.

Russian: I saw what you did. How could you be so lax defensively! That does not help the team win!

Happy Meals: I know, I’m just so nervous… I heard you on the earpiece, you just starting jabbering away in Russian.

Russian: Have you not learned Russian yet?

Happy Meals: ::silence::

Russian: What am I supposed to do with you? That’s it! That’s it! Iskristiy, where is my laptop! I must book a flight RIGHT NOW!

Happy Meals: Look, Coach beefed up security around the locker room and the plane, man. They’re really concerned that you’re going to strain yourself.

Russian: (brief snippets of incoherent Russian) The only thing I am going to strain is my arm when I whack you with my cane!

Happy Meals: Look, I know you’re really upset about not coming on this trip —

Russian: All I want to do is support my team and support winning. I don’t know why Coach is trying to take this away from me.

Happy Meals: Hey, man, we’ll be back in Dallas before you know it.

Russian: Hold on a second. (mumbling in Russian) Iskristiy requests that you bring Pronger and Getzlaf back to Dallas.

Happy Meals: What? Why?

Russian: He says it will make up for bad defensive play and that “monster man” and “Baldy” will make for good eating.

Happy Meals: Dude, I have to go now.

2nd Period

Here we go….

Scary Jere! Laughing on bench! Oh Jere. Here, have a few bars of Raining Blood, just because you’re such a bad-ass. Dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun… okay, go score, and then I’ll hum the rest.

17:28: Getzlaf just went to the box. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

16:30ish: Boo, offsides. Oh god, Nisky and Norstrom are talking. No good can come of this. Empires shall fall, droughts shall ravish lands, you know. Same old same old.

16:02: WHAT DID I JUST SAY SCARY JERE! HAVE THE REST OF SLAYER ON ME, HONEY! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN X 1,000! Woo!

15:45ish: Schneider goes to the box. Man, Anaheim must really like that penalty box, huh? Randy Carlyle looks rage-y over on teh bench. Which makes me laugh. Really hard.

Back on the power play…

15:18: Niskanen just fumbled the puck on the point on the power play. Can you hear that in your ear, Niskanen? That’s the sound of a screaming Russian straining on a couch somewhere in Dallas. You’d better hope the alligator hurries back from the kitchen with that Stoli. And soon.

15:00ish: Ribs goes to the box for interference. What. Evs. Marchant, stop being such a whiner.

4 on 4 hockey, woo.

13:39: The Ducks have the power play advantage and while they’ve set up in our zone, the guys do a good job of keep-away and Marty makes a nice deflection with the pads. The Ducks hammer it back and Marty is half in, half out of the net, sprawled like his life depends on it to make the save. Attaboy, Marty! This is the kind of goalie we all know you are! Keep it up, honey! Keep. it. up.

12:31: Back at even strength.

8:09: Sorry for the delay, but I had to restart my computer! Boo!

7:09: Turco, get back in your net! BACK IN YOUR NET! God, you get way too happy with this whole skate around, skate around crap.

We stop play here to fix some issue with some damn glass. Whatever.

5:27: Eriksson just got destroyed pretty much; but it’s nice to know the GREATEST BLUE LINE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF HOCKEY is faring so well against Modano and Co. this evening.

Someone takes some stupid penalty, so Anaheim goes on the power play.

4:22: Oh man, Morrow just got elbowed in the face and knocked right over. These teams really hate each other.

4:00: HOLY SHIT MARTY TURCO. JESUS CHRIST. The Ducks and Stars are jammed up around the net trying to block and score defensively and Marty just rolls around, does the splits, stands on his head and does a damn pirouette to keep the puck out of the net. And then, displaying the rancor we all know and love, the players fight. Ah, the sweet days of bench clearing brawls between Dallas and Anaheim.

Ott goes to the box to keep Boucher company, because they’re both sweet, perfect angels.

Norstrom has a black eye and I feel suddenly indignant on Norstrom’s behalf. What the hell?

3:11: Some Duck just upended Mike Modano, who stands up like, “Huh?! What?”

2:00ish: Man. Boucher tried to rebound a puck past Katamari Goalie over there, and winds up as a human bowling ball instead, leading Getzlaf to start shoving and yelling with him. Whatever. Boucher didn’t intend to run your goalie, Ducks. And like you bitches have any room to complain.

2:45: We’re amazingly on the power play again, and I stop to admire Ribbons’ gangsta skates, and then holy shit – we win the faceoff. Ribbons sets off to the side, and just pops it on over, gangsta style to Brenden Morrow, who pots another one.

4-0, Dallas.

Oh.

My. God.

KEEP IT UP, GUYS!

2:17: Some Duck just slid face first into the net like five seconds after the faceoff. Heh! If it hadn’t been for a bad set of luck, Eriksson would’ve just made it 5-0, due to Giguere’s terrible positioning. And I do mean terrible.

1:00: Hagman is going ballistic out there. Every shift, the guy amazes me. Seriously. It’s like you put an ICBM on the ice.

:09: Anaheim takes a penalty, but I have to say, Brad Richards? Having a hell of a game. Am I going to take a second to say if he can keep this up, we did okay on that trade? Yup.

Oh, man, the Ducks fans are booing like crazy. YES!

2nd Intermission

Whatever, Ludwig & Rhadigan. I have something better than your stupid intermission report.

I present…

ISKRISTIY

Oh, yeah. That’s right!

3rd PERIOD

Still on the power play.

16:34: Lots of … skating around.

God Almighty, Pronger just hit the hell out of poor Joel Lundqvist and broke the boards.   Good job, Pronger.   Douche.   I hate you, Pronger.   And I like my favoritest Swede, so back off.   Keep a weather eye out for hungry alligators.

At least Lundy’s intact and laughing with Toby Peterson.  Oh, friendly Lundy.

Wow.   Brad Richards looks like a cracked-out chipmunk.   I like you Richards, but damn, dude.

Okay, all I heard Razor say was “People don’t know Hullie’s a junkie”…and my brain automatically filled in “for Arby’s.”

Back in action after board/glass repair from the Prongmonster.

14:55: Norstrom did something useful!   He poke-checked a puck from Selanne!   Wow!   Way to go Matty!

13:28: The Ducks are attempting to rally back, but the Stars look pretty determined to not let that happen.   Thank God.

13:01: Someone just butt-checked Robi and sent him sprawling to the ice.   DO NOT APPROVE, THANKS.

11:00ish: The Ducks coach looks like he is about to cry.   Woah.

10:38: A face-off in Marty’s zone and the Stars get it out; please, guys, let’s not hang Marty out to dry this evening.

9:47: The puck decides to bounce all over the place as Giguere looks around like, “Who?  What?   What?  Where?  Who?”    HAHA!

9:13: Some Duck skates up with every intention of hitting Boucher and Boucher lays him out and then pushes him down to the ice, like as if to say:   “Fuck you too, jerkface.”   Wooo, Boucher!   Merci pour toujours, Monsieur Boucher!

8:06: Good to know my worst fears have come true and Niskanen and Norstrom are out against Selanne.   It’s heartening to know, at least, that Niskanen and Norstrom look like two completely different players right now.

5:44: God, I hate Chris Pronger.   He just basically punched Jere Lehtinen in the face.   Whatever, Frankenstein.

4:15: The Stars hack away at Giguere to try and get a goal and more pushing and shoving ensues, as Crombeen gets dragged around and puts up no fight at all about it, and merely looks like, “Will someone get this dude OFF me?”

3:24: Come on….hang on just a little bit longer, boys!

1:22: The Ducks are making an effort…but Turco makes a totally kickin’ rad save and says ‘Screw you’ to Getzi.   Woo!

:51: Hagman looks like he just got released from Arkham Asylum.   Seriously, dude is going bananas and a half out there.

:10: Lundy’s acquired the Halpern “lose your helmet” syndrome.

:00:  GAME OVER

GUESS WHAT?

MAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY GOT A SHUTOUT!

SHUTOUTSHUTOUTSHUTOUT!  4th Career Playoff Shutout!

Attaboy, Marty!

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Responses

  1. You bet, but you might have to mention Happy Meals once in a while to keep my attention focused on the Stars game instead of the Habs.

    We have had two Russians on our team, Zyuzin and Sushinsky…

  2. You bet, but you might have to mention Happy Meals once in a while to keep my attention focused on the Stars game instead of the Habs.

    Oh, Kirsten — you can bet that. There’s nothing a live for more than a good Happy Meals/Russian joke. :D (Hey, you can keep me updated on the Habs! ;) They have that yummy Russian Kovalev, and I’m all about that.)

    We have had two Russians on our team, Zyuzin and Sushinsky…

    In that case, that tips you in my favor! Go Wild (boo, Avs)!

  3. you can bet that. There’s nothing a live for more than a good Happy Meals/Russian joke.

    God, my English sucks. You can bet ON that. And there’s nothing I live for more…

  4. You know I’ll be around!

  5. I won’t be here until around 9 your time since I have to sort out my housing stuff for next year, but after that I can’t wait for the Happy Meals/Russian jokes, since I wasn’t around for the beginning of that whole saga, and I feel like I’m missing out on something awesome.

    English is hard, I understand. This is why I have apparently decided to take Chinese next term.

    We need all the karmic help we can get, since Joe Sakic is our destroyer (yet so cool…).

  6. You know I’ll be around!

    Yay!

    but after that I can’t wait for the Happy Meals/Russian jokes, since I wasn’t around for the beginning of that whole saga, and I feel like I’m missing out on something awesome.

    Heh. Probably not, but you know, we’ll fill you in. :D

    We need all the karmic help we can get, since Joe Sakic is our destroyer (yet so cool…).

    Why do I get an image in my head of a Godzilla-sized Joe Sakic saying “Sakic MAD! Sakic SMASH!” and terrorizing Tokyo or something?

  7. eeee
    SO READY FOR THIS FRIGGIN GAME!

  8. Earl Sleek is the Ducks blogger in residence over there who is by far the best Anaheim blogger I’ve read.

    Woo hoo! I beat out the other handful of hopefuls!

    I’d stop in tonight, but I’m caught with some “real life” bullshit. Damn, I knew I should have faked my death this morning.

    Anything for playoffs.

  9. I beat out the other handful of hopefuls!

    Heh! It was your proclivity for booze and willingness to name your daughter Teemu that just pushed me over the edge, Earl, what can I say?

    I’d stop in tonight, but I’m caught with some “real life” bullshit. Damn, I knew I should have faked my death this morning.

    We expect a visit sometime soon! I hope you get to sit in beloved Row B for a playoff game sometime soon, Earl!

  10. Heh. Probably not, but you know, we’ll fill you in. :D

    Sweet. I like storytime.


    Why do I get an image in my head of a Godzilla-sized Joe Sakic saying “Sakic MAD! Sakic SMASH!” and terrorizing Tokyo or something?

    That is a really funny image considering Joe Sakic is about as quiet and nice as they come. He just destroys us with his mad skillz and crazy wrist shot/sneakiness.

  11. I hope you get to sit in beloved Row B for a playoff game sometime soon, Earl!

    Oh, I’ll be there on Saturday in Row B for G2.

    I’ll be the one idiot who finds out upon arriving that he’s the only person wearing a green shirt that’s not rooting for Dallas. :)

  12. That is a really funny image considering Joe Sakic is about as quiet and nice as they come.

    So, Sakic is a nice ninja, then?

    I’ll be the one idiot who finds out upon arriving that he’s the only person wearing a green shirt that’s not rooting for Dallas.

    I am sure Sammy Pahlsson and the rest of the Ducks understand the shirt’s lucky and you’re not rooting for the Stars, Earl! ;)

    Yay for being there Saturday! I think we’ll be at either Game 3 or Game 4.

  13. Some friends and I were thinking about heading to LA to catch some kind of sports game, but I doubt A.) I could get anyone to go to a hockey game with me, B.) I could stand to go to a Ducks game.

    So, Sakic is a nice ninja, then?

    That’s what I gather.

  14. Kirsten, I don’t think I could handle that either.

    :p

    Your full explanation is up of the Russian/Happy Meals dynamic, by the way :D

  15. :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::!!!

    “THERE, that should catch you up! So, if you didn’t know before? That’s where all those beautiful jokes come from.”

    *wipes away tears of laughter*

    Thanks for the update!

    “When Russian discovered Happy Meals was picking up notoriously bad habits from an unnamed Swede, he immediately launched into a three-hour lecture on the siege of Stalingrad and promptly hit Niskanen with an imported Russian hockey stick.”

    This explains so much!! I thought Nisky was playing better lately. Unfortunately, I read on this on Heika’s blog: “Tippett said Zubov wanted to come, but the Stars said that since there was no chance he was playing in the first two games, they wanted him to stay back and rehabilitate his sports hernia injury.” I immediately had mental picture of Russian throwing a crotchety fit and muttering something about how was he supposed to keep Nisky in line from here.

  16. we be at game 3
    WEEEE

    Too bad no in seats as awesome as Earl’s.

  17. I immediately had mental picture of Russian throwing a crotchety fit and muttering something about how was he supposed to keep Nisky in line from here.

    Myra, don’t worry. The man’s obsessed with electronics and therefore, has Nisky retain an earbud at ALL TIMES. So he can speak to him. When you see Nisky looking vacant, it’s really because Russian’s screaming and cursing (in Russian) on the line. :D

  18. Too bad no in seats as awesome as Earl’s.

    Earl’s seats are always the best!

  19. “When you see Nisky looking vacant, it’s really because Russian’s screaming and cursing (in Russian) on the line. ”

    Once again, that explains so much.

  20. Pardon me while I start having anxiety attacks.

  21. Pardon me while I start having anxiety attacks

    Deep, cleansing breaths!

    Myra, a lot of Nisky’s behavior can be explained via Russian. :D

  22. I’m going to throw up and have a heart attack, at the same time.

  23. Good evening everyone! The game been ok so far?

  24. so far i’ve almost puked about 5 times.
    and i wish i was kidding.

  25. What time is it there Mags?

  26. so far i’ve almost puked about 5 times.
    and i wish i was kidding.

    Me too, man. Me. Too.

  27. Good evening everyone! The game been ok so far?

    So far! Hey there, Mags! Thanks for staying up with us. (Or getting up early.) :D

  28. Jen, it is 4 am…

    I would like the Versus guys to stop talking about the Ducks being so tough. It’s annoying.

  29. God I’m glad it’s blacked-out from Versus locally. I would hate not being able to hear Ralph and Razor.

  30. I would LIKE the Versus coverage. The dilemma about living in So Cal, gotta listen to the local coverage with Brian Hayward who is FREAKING TERRIBLE.

  31. gotta listen to the local coverage with Brian Hayward who is FREAKING TERRIBLE.

    Oh Goodness I’m sorry. We had to have him locally a few times.

  32. Aww CKim, I’m sorry. Hayward is pretty awful.

  33. gotta listen to the local coverage with Brian Hayward who is FREAKING TERRIBLE.

    ANTICHRIST. That is what that man is. Seriously.

  34. Makes me want to vomit every time I hear his voice.

    So I picked Niskanen for my Squee Cup boy for the Stars! And after taking a good look at him on the ice, I’m glad I did. =)

  35. Now I remember why I had to watch the game! To listen to the studio guys be hypocrites about Marty Turco!

  36. i feel like im having heart palpitations…

  37. WOOOOOOOOO!

  38. OMGOMGOMG

  39. woo hoo robi!!!!

  40. ROOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

  41. OMFG ROBIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

    I just screamed so loud that my cats ran away

  42. well – woo hoo otter then…!!!

  43. oh god. can you imagine what otter is going to look like without shaving?

  44. WHAT THE FUCK NISKANEN.
    WAY TO ALMOST SCORE ON MARTY.

  45. Nisky, I’d say you’re on probation until you make up for that.

  46. “WHAT THE FUCK NISKANEN.
    WAY TO ALMOST SCORE ON MARTY.”

    can you imagine what Russian is screaming in his ear bud right now!?!?

  47. MYAY!

  48. YES.
    YES SWEDISH FISH!

  49. YES!!!!!

  50. OMG eriksson!! i love you much right now!!

  51. can you imagine what Russian is screaming in his ear bud right now!?!?

    Nisky so lucky they made Russian stay home.

  52. Modano, nosebleed fixing, you’re doing it wrong. I don’t know why that makes me mad, but it does.

  53. “Nisky so lucky they made Russian stay home.”

    can they issue penalties for players not playing that are beating up their own players? bc that’s what would be happening to ole happy meals right now if russian was there!

  54. dont you push booboo’s head into the ice selane…asshole!!

  55. I hate Anaheim.

  56. stu will fuck you up pronger…

  57. OMG BARNES. ARE YOU SRSLY TRYING TO FIGHT PRONGER?!

  58. Specifically, Chris Pronger.

  59. oh my god this game.

  60. I hate Anaheim.

    I concur.

  61. GO STU GO

  62. goons!

  63. EWWW Getzlaf blowing snot rockets!

  64. shenanigans!! haha!

  65. Getzi *puke*

  66. tipp just said “fuck off”…hahahahah!

  67. lmao Ducks got 3 roughing penalties.

  68. They deserved them.

    10 seconds go fast, I want food and dare not leave the TV.

  69. Hayward sucks my ass.

  70. Fooooooooooood.

    Manny Legace is in the studio. I luff Manny! Even though his hard work sank my fantasy team!

  71. aawwww…morrow looks so cute with his playoff scruff!

  72. I would love to be able to hear Manny talk about this game. I LOVE Manny.

  73. I approve of their scruff. It is good scruff.

  74. stupid wings…..i hate you…

  75. Giguere makes…a belly save. Literally, he just curls up and takes it in the stomach. Alright then, Giggy.

    Like one of those little rolly-poly pillbugs!

  76. Re:Manny. He’s very good. Eloquent, soft spoken, has a well thought out opinion. All that jazz.

  77. I’ve always like Manny Legace. He seems like such a classy guy.

    And me saying I’ve always like Legace is like..amazing considering he once sold his soul to the devil.

  78. I just wish my fishsticks was playing.

  79. I’m back from my fight with reslife to have somewhere to live next semester!

    Thanks for the update on the story!

    Nisky is my Stars squee, in fact he is the only Stars player that I like. I wonder if he can grow a playoff beard?

  80. WOOOO

    (also, dude, I totally missed that. Was that Jere?)

  81. Russian: (brief snippets of incoherent Russian) The only thing I am going to strain is my arm when I whack you with my cane!

    Oh my GOD Caitlin.
    You kill me.

  82. Yes, Mags, that was Jere!

  83. The image of Russian calling to Iskristiy for his laptop makes me laugh so hard for some reason.

  84. The part about the alligator eating FCP and Icky Getzlaf makes me happy.

  85. Thank you, Caitlin!

  86. No problem, Mags!

  87. I’m so stoked, the Habs won 4-1!

  88. I would be stoked about the Habs winning too, if I wasn’t so concerned for baby Carey in the long run.

  89. OH MY GOD TURCO YOU ARE AMAZING.

  90. I had a very long conversation with my friend Luc about this, with him yelling a lot at other people in a mixture of French and English. I feel like he might have been in a drinking establishment.

  91. Turco. Woah.

  92. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  93. lol that goal looks like the Ducks were like “Oh fuck it. Just let them score”

  94. Shit son! This game is very exciting. My exam is not getting studied for.

  95. Ok, now they’re just calling stuff for shits and giggles.

  96. MARTY TURCO IS MAGIC, Y’ALL!

    And yay for Habs winning! Go, go, RUSSIANS! WHEE!

    And I’m sorry the game is distracting you, Kirsten. :D

  97. It’s ok. I could shut my computer and go to the library…without my phone. But I’m choosing to be here and support my boy, plus I’m so highly entertained by your liveblogging.

  98. Manny said a good thing about Marty! Thank you Manny!

  99. YAY MANNY!

  100. Well, thanks, Kirsten! I appreciate it :D

    Aww, thanks Manny Legace for saying such nice things about Magical Marty!

  101. Magical disappearing Barchie must be giving Marty lessons.

  102. OMG those ice girls are hideous.

  103. Ice girls are such a bad idea.

  104. Hells yea Turco.

  105. And so I say to the Ducks…WHAT NOW, BITCH?

  106. WOOOO!
    What a great game!

    Anaheim was laughable.

  107. I just realized that it should be plural, and that opposing fans might use it as a point against Minnesota that we have grammar problems, so it really should be to the Ducks “WHAT NOW, BITCHES?”.

  108. it really should be to the Ducks “WHAT NOW, BITCHES?”.

    Well, Kirsten, you just decided the title of the next live blog. “WHAT NOW, BITCHES?”

    Anaheim was laughable.

    Yeah, but I have no doubt that they can be NOT laughable. Maybe they could be laughable for four games or so? Who knows!? Either way, let’s hope they show up the same way for this game.

  109. Awesome, I’m glad I could help. I will for sure have to hang around for that liveblog, then.

  110. Awesome, I’m glad I could help. I will for sure have to hang around for that liveblog, then.

    Oh, totally! Anytime you can stop by is always good. :D

  111. I see what you are up to! You’re hoping that by my hanging out with cool Stars fans, I will sort of start to like the Stars…that’s sneaky. it’s sort of working, but shhhh, I have a reputation to uphold

  112. it’s sort of working, but shhhh, I have a reputation to uphold

    Don’t worry. We won’t tell those Minnesotans what you’re up to, for fear our one, lone, semi-spy up there could possibly be lynched. :p

    You’re hoping that by my hanging out with cool Stars fans, I will sort of start to like the Stars…that’s sneaky.

    We are sneaky, and you have figured out our evil plot indeed. We’re ninjas like that. Well, we’re not actually ninjas, but some of us have ninja sticks. Does that count?

  113. CKim “I would LIKE the Versus coverage. The dilemma about living in So Cal, gotta listen to the local coverage with Brian Hayward who is FREAKING TERRIBLE”
    I feel so terrible for you having to endure that man’s stupidity . I was appalled when he came here for a few games . He never knew ANY players’ name EVEN the Ducks’ players !

    Caitlin , I love your blogs . Especially when I can SOOOOOO see grumpy , crotchety Russian in his black leather military uniform he has , schooling all of Our Stars in his specially designed secret “War Room” at the Stars Center in Frisco . I can almost hear him yelling instructions to the D-corps and petting his alligator and occasionally slipping into speaking Russian when he gets very carried away and angry . I think his nifty metal pointer is the old kind . You know , the non-collapse-able kind that were really pointy without the little plastic cap on the end (so he can jab people with it and threaten to feed them to his alligator , since it now has a taste for their blood) .

  114. Adam, I’m at the Tornado playoff game right now and seriously that made me laugh so hard. I’m going to scopw out the StarCenter while I’m here, you know, for that super secret war room.

    I’m glad you enjoy the liveblogs – thanks for the compliments!

  115. Caitlin, I know it’s taken me a long time, but I finally read the liveblog and I’m still laughing out loud. I especially love the caption of the picture of Zubie and Niskanen. Hilarious!

  116. And no, Anaheim probably won’t be quite that bad in the next game. It’d be nice if they were, though.

  117. Don’t worry. We won’t tell those Minnesotans what you’re up to, for fear our one, lone, semi-spy up there could possibly be lynched. :p

    Good to know! Cause I’d either be thrown out on my ass or killed if people found out.

    We are sneaky, and you have figured out our evil plot indeed. We’re ninjas like that. Well, we’re not actually ninjas, but some of us have ninja sticks. Does that count?

    I would have to say that counts, because you probably learned your mad skillz from the Finnjas on the team, so therefore I’m guessing that makes you reasonably legit. (I’m 1/4 Finnja, but I spend more time with my Swedish family, so I have lost the powers a bit.)

  118. Hey Caitlin, looking forward to new insights on Russian and Nisky tonight! Any luck finding the “War Room”?

    (Looked like from the Box Score the Tornadoes thought they were Anaheim the other night. 9 penalties?)

  119. I’m still laughing out loud.

    Aww, Patty, thanks. That’s the best compliment a girl can get!

    I would have to say that counts, because you probably learned your mad skillz from the Finnjas on the team, so therefore I’m guessing that makes you reasonably legit. (I’m 1/4 Finnja, but I spend more time with my Swedish family, so I have lost the powers a bit.)

    Kirsten, that’s totally cool. Don’t you know about the “efficient but deadly” Swedish Mafia? That works too. It’s why we have five Swedes! You’ve got some hardcore Nordic powers going on there!

    Any luck finding the “War Room”?

    Sadly, no. I was not able to find the War Room, nor was I able to find anything else.

    (Looked like from the Box Score the Tornadoes thought they were Anaheim the other night. 9 penalties?)

    Yeah, it was pretty bad. They had two separate PKs where they were down two guys, and the Roadrunners just ran all over ’em. Sad, especially by the end. The Russian kid playing on the Tornado (Sergei Korostin) went to the box for elbowing, and I was like, “What?! You can’t put him in there! He’s Russian!

  120. Don’t you know about the “efficient but deadly” Swedish Mafia?

    Apparently, Jennifer Floyd Engel from The Star Telegram knows a little about our Swedish Mafia. This is from her story on our d-men posted today.
    “Norstrom serves as The Godfather of the Swedes, and the young defensemen.”

    (She’s not one of my favorite sports’ writers. Hubbie refers to her as “that little ball of hate”. But I feel compelled to read all articles written about the Stars in our local papers. They get so little coverage.)

  121. Owww! Did you see that? My italics worked!

  122. Heh! That’s so awesome! And yay, your italics DID work!

    She’s not one of my favorite sports’ writers. Hubbie refers to her as “that little ball of hate”.

    What I don’t like about JFE is the nasty tone her articles take. Heika can usually offer up criticism that’s delivered honestly and truthfully but without hate behind it. I’ve heard JFE get on the radio and scream and yell and curse about the Stars, and that “gutless pig” piece she wrote a while ago got picked up nationally.

    When she gets upset at the Stars, her pieces just rip them to shreds. I like hearing some objective criticism, so I usually just stay away from the article if the Stars are doing badly and it’s got her byline on it.

  123. Heika can usually offer up criticism that’s delivered honestly and truthfully but without hate behind it.

    So true, so true. Heika is the King.

    …I usually just stay away from the article if the Stars are doing badly and it’s got her byline on it.

    Good advice for the future. She sounds like a lovely person.

  124. So true, so true. Heika is the King.

    Whenever I see Heika at practice, I get irrationally excited. He’s as big a figure to me as any of the players. I liken him to Santa Claus – he just looks like a damn nice guy! That and he’s always sweatervesty. :D

    Good advice for the future. She sounds like a lovely person.

    Look at you fancy lady! With the tags and such! The day I stopped listening to The Ticket was when they had JFE call in and she spent twenty minutes literally screaming and yelling about how horrid the Stars were. Seriously. It made me afraid of her. (Don’t kill me, JFE.)

  125. I liken him to Santa Claus…That and he’s always sweatervesty.

    Hee, exactly! I am always so star-struck. I have a difficult time not being too giddy about anyone even remotely famous.

    Look at you fancy lady! With the tags and such!

    Ok, I wasn’t going to gloat over my bold but Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

    Have fun live blogging tonight. I’ll be joining the game late because we are heading over to my sister’s to go out. They just returned from 2 weeks in France. Lucky dogs. That’s what you can do if you have two incomes and no kids. Remember that…

    (Don’t kill me, JFE.)

    Don’t worry, I think you can take her. I know you could in a battle of “wit”!

  126. we are heading over to my sister’s to go out. They just returned from 2 weeks in France.

    Lucky! I took nine years of French and came dangerously close to becoming a college French major, so I am envious!

    Don’t worry, I think you can take her. I know you could in a battle of “wit”!

    You’re too kind, Myra! Have fun at your sister’s — we’ll be looking for ya!

  127. I went out to a practice and met Heika once just after the Richards trade . I talked with him for a few secomds and I told him that I was impressed that he had such good ideas for our team . He was very cool to talk with and we stood and talked for probably thirty minutes .
    I don’t think we will ever be able to find the entrance to Russian’s secret War Room . I have heard rumours that you must follow a secret passage down underground in to the bomb-proof part of the complex . Of course knowing Russian like we do and his natural affinity for electronic gadgets , I doubt we would make it past any of the intruder destroying security systems .
    I can SOOOO see you in Mission Impossible black uniforms sneaking into the place with the MI theme playing in the background – just remember if you are caught , we will disavow any knowledge of your actions .

  128. He was very cool to talk with and we stood and talked for probably thirty minutes .

    That’s so good to hear! I read his blog post today on the excitement of the Calgary/SJ game and you can tell while the dude loves hockey, he can give an objective opinion about it. Awesome.

    I can SOOOO see you in Mission Impossible black uniforms sneaking into the place with the MI theme playing in the background – just remember if you are caught , we will disavow any knowledge of your actions .

    That would be tempting — but Russian’s terrifying idea of “security” is too much for even this girl to handle. I would expect no less of you, however, than to disavow any knowledge and play dumb should any War Room shenanigans go down!


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