Posted by: Jen | January 23, 2008

Dear Baby Hockey Jesus…

With playoffs in a few months (with as fast as this year has gone so far that translates into right around the corner) I decided to have a little ceremony honoring that which is Baby Hockey Jesus after the game tonight.  Fellow Untypical Girl Cat joined, but much to my dismay and sadness Untypical Girl and Hockey Coma extraordinaire Caitlin was unable to attend.

So after the heart-breacking 4-2 loss, I gathered the materials and the Baby Hockey Jesus ceremony began.   But what does one need to perform this ceremony?  It’s simple

  • Baby Hockey Jesus (or prototype)
  • Poster with your wishes and sacrifice
  • Candles
  • Incense
  • Any other hockey related items that could be useful

My bear in a Stars hoodie was nowhere to be found, so Baby Hockey Jesus was substituted by a gold Sprite from Rainbow Brite I got from Taco Bell 15 years ago.

Say hello to Baby Hockey JesusBaby Hockey Jesus

Next up was our poster, which was so craftily put together by Moi during a commercial break. 

 Sacrificial Poster

It might be difficult to read, so here is the break down:

  • Sidney Crosby: Our Sacrifice Baby Hockey Jesus
  • Mike Modano: Mojangles is American Baby Hockey Jesus.  He needs another silver drinking goblet
  • Sergei Zubov: Let Russians groin not be wonky Baby Hockey Jesus
  • Jere Lehtinen & Jussi Jokinen: We need our Finnja’s back Baby Hockey Jesus
  • Philippe Boucher:  Boucher needs a new shoulder Baby Hockey Jesus
  • Detroit Red Wings: They kill puppies Baby Hockey Jesus

So with the poster done, all that was left was to set up the candles and incense and the ceremony was ready to commense.


Our other items were a Brenden Morrow dogtag and Chris Conner jersey.

So we prayed to Baby Hockey Jesus, asking him for the following (other than what is on the poster)

  • May Chris Conner return to me soon
  • May all of our players remain healthy and happy
  • May the Red Wings lose on Feb 17th
  • May we get past the first round of playoffs please.

We also made note to BHJ that we do not wish harm upon Sidney Crosby, we just figured he’d be the best way to get BHJ to listen to us.


this post has been brought to you by jenlo



  1. Brilliance! Oh, Baby Hockey Jesus, please answer our prayers!

  2. Fellow Untypical Girl Cat joined, but much to my dismay and sadness Untypical Girl and Hockey Coma extraordinaire Caitlin was unable to attend.

    Were you around me last night, you probably would’ve been glad I wasn’t there; I was pretty cranky & bitchy last night.

    That being said, I’m sorry I missed it and all of the awesome stuff. Please give me back a healthy Russian, Baby Hockey Jesus!

  3. You guys are awesome. I wonder if I could rustle up another hockey fan here to help me ask Baby Hockey Jesus to get rid of Skoula and keep Koivu healthy.

    PS, I love Talledega Nights, the Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

  4. Kirsten, I’m sure Baby Hockey Jesus would listen if you went solo on your ceremony!

  5. Hmm, I hope so. I just need to find some kind of substitute. I have a caribou that shits jellybeans…

    BTW, I officially love you guys for pointing me toward Niskanen interviews. I watched the one where they pimp out his car, and I just want to steal him. He has the proper accent, though not terribly strong, it’s there. I like the bit about how he is happy that they left his fishing bobber alone, but that his fishing pole is supposedly missing. He’s adorable. Good Minnesota boy.

  6. I think a jellybean shitting caribou would suffice!

    That car cracks me up. Before they gave it to him even Russian was laughing at it in the parking lot (and that is a rarity to see this man laugh in front of hundreds of people) I was laughing too, but mostly the fact that he wore cut-off sweats and crocs

  7. You lost me, friend. I mean, I assume I get what youre saying. I realize what you are saying, but you just appear to have forgotten about that you can find some other folks inside the world who view this matter for what it definitely is and may perhaps not agree with you. You may possibly be turning away alot of people who might have been followers of your website.

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