So here is is, our experiment in liveblogging. Tonight is Maple Leafs/Stars, at the American Airlines Center. We are not there – Caitlin, her sister Erin, and I are in my apartment eating Chinese food and watching the game. When I find that Turco is starting, and not Smith, I run as fast as I can to my bedroom to change my jersey – I’m now proudly donning a Niskanen jersey.
Before the game even starts, Erin tells the Leafs to “Go back to Canada and ride your moose, and eat your maple leafs.”
17:38: Eriksson turned over the puck, what a surprise.
17:05: Caitlin screams “Go Stu! Don’t be so old!”
16:57: Leafs score. I hate you guys.
Erin: We’ll burn all your maple leafs!
Caitlin: I hate their socks. They look like the have candy canes for legs.
Erin: Go back to Willy Wonka’s!
8:11: Caitlin yells at the Stars to stop giving it away, GOD!
6:36: Tip mad. Tip smash. His upper lip has disappeared entirely.
5:50: Caitlin wants Speedy Russian to be SPEEDY. Erin wants Morrow to Morrownate someone. We all want Leafs players to STFU and stop hitting our players. My neighbors hate me for all the screaming.
5:35: Morrow mad. Morrow smash. Caitlin yells at someone to stop hitting her Russian.
4:41: Morrow goes to the box for hooking. STFU REFS. We all hate Bryan McCabe and kind of want him to die. We’re also surprised that Ribs hasn’t faked an injury yet. Penalty kill, plz.
2:42: Dallas successfully kills the penalty, although now super well. MORROW AND MO GO IN AND…Boo. No goal.
1:27: Robidas argues the whole way to the box about his tripping penalty. We are all angry, too.
0:10: ANOTHER penalty to Dallas – Stu Barnes, for hooking. GOD, STFU REFS.
At the end of the first, it’s 1-0 Toronto. I hate everything. This is totally the worst the Stars have played during this home stretch. I don’t want to say it’s because of Turco, but I’m sorry, to me, it looks like the team plays better when Smith is in net.
They interview Steve Ott during the intermission, which makes Erin happy, despite the red marks on his forehead from his helmet, and his scraggly beard that he appears to be attempting to grow.
Next up is some wack-ass MTV Cribs wannabe clip of Toskola’s fashion sense. His closet is bigger than mine, and far more organized. I don’t give a damn that he’s Finnish, he sucks. He has some ugly Italian boots, and a man-purse. Caitlin wonders if he gets his goalie pads imported from Sweden, since he appears to really enjoy Swedish fashion – although I do have to admit that he has better fashion sense than Loui Eriksson, King of the Plaid. Whatever, Toskola. STFU.
Caitlin yells, “Quickly, Barnes, take your arthritis medication!” We kid, we kid. Stu might be old, but we still love him.
18:35: The 5-on-3 ends without incident at 19:29, and Razor says something about golden toes. What? What the hell, Razor? Weirdo.
18:12: I guess Turco’s pads are not working on blinding the opposition, as Jen hoped.
16:49: Stars score to tie it up, 1-1! Ribeiro with the goal, assists to Morrow and Niskanen. GO HAPPY MEALS, ILU SO MUCH.
15:19: Eriksson falls. On his own. Plz scratch him. Or better yet, send him back to Iowa, and bring Lundqvist up.
12:00: Erin makes some seriously crazy cave-monster noises while yelling for Turco to “get back in [his] hole”. She also gets very, very angry when someone pushes Otter down. Caitlin gasps when someone hits Russian. I have not been paying super close attention, so if anyone hit Niskanen, I hate you. Just so you know.
10:00: We all yell at someone “THAT’S A HATE CRIME!” when someone pushes Jeff Halpern down. He is Jewish, after all.
7:05: Eriksson goes in the box for high sticking. GOD, GO AWAY, YOU NOOB.
6:25: Happy Meals pushed someone down! Yay! Caitlin wants Turkmonster to deliver us some pizza.
4:29: MITTENS SCORED A GOAL! Caitlin got her Christmas present, because she asked earlier for a Mittens goal for Christmas. 2-1 Stars!
0:30: Hagman gets hit (I think by the puck), and he looks seriously hurt. This cannot be good. Period ends, still 2-1 Stars.
NOTHING INTERESTING. Open Net is a little funny. They ask which coach they think is going to be next to go. Jim Ralph says Mike Keenan and some other boring stuff. Razor says Pittsburgh. Whatever. Connie wants to know what Razor wants for himself and the Stars for Christmas. He wants a G5, some golf bullshit. A Bentley Continental, the province of Alberta. Jim Ralph wants his houses back, and Razor calls him a serial marrier. Poor Jim Ralph.
Lehtinen is out and scheduled for surgery for a sports hernia on Monday. THIS IS NOT GOOD.
19:00: Caitlin wants more shots of Russian (Jenlo thinks he made a deal with the camera crew to not show him). She also wants people to STOP TOUCHING HER RUSSIAN.
14:29: Modano looks like he wants to cry after Toskola stopped a backhand shot. Mojangles, the ceremony was Wednesday night. No need to cry anymore.
10:00: Morrow is getting in some serious good hits. MORROWNATOR STRIKES AGAIN.
7:30: Hagman gets the puck, and he shoots it, save Toskola, and he stops play. Damn it.
1:45: Sorry for the lack of updating – I got distracted by holding Mr. Mojangles, who gets very excited about hockey. Anyway, the score is still 2-1 Dallas, and that makes me real nervous. Apparently it makes Mr. Mojangles nervous, too, because he is squeaking up a storm.
0:39: They showed Mike Smith on the bench, and he totally rested his chin on Trevor Daley’s shoulder. So cute. Also, Halpern scored an empty net goal!! Thanks, Jew!
0:25: Otter decided to fight McCabe. He’s PISSED. He swears all the way to the bench, and it’s awesome. Apparently Niskanen hit someone, too. I have to rewind that.
Stars win it 3-1! Thank you, Marty! Daley totally kissed him, it was pretty cute.